"Remember Mom, there's a room for you in the basement when you're ready." This loving, well-meaning offer was delivered to Diane Keaton by one of her screen daughters in the 2018 motion picture comedy "The Book Club."
"Mom" was appalled. She and the other book club members had just discovered a new reason for living after reading, "50 Shades of Gray." Initially shocked by what they'd read, the book led the women to rediscover the joys of intimacy. They then decided to live each day to the fullest. They were certainly not ready to be consigned to the dungeon, er, basement room.
Does living in the basement apartment of your child's home or in an adjacent casita mean giving up independence? I don't think that's a given. Especially if you've developed strong family ties. (I really love my family! We enjoy each other's company.) So, I believe we can live together in harmony and still lead separate lives. If I fall down and can't get up (folks in their 80's fear falls most of all) I'll feel better knowing if I'm loud enough someone in the family will hear me and come to my rescue. I'll live in my own space a few feet away from the main home, until I cannot. Until the car keys have been taken away and I might have to depend on a ride to the grocery store or the doctor's or to my Tai Chi session. Cultures the world over have been enjoying this type of symbiotic relationship for centuries. Generations living together in peace seems close to perfect.
No matter what our age, none of us want to give up our independence. Not ever! At least not too soon.
We've heard it for years...age is just a number. Nonetheless, we are still influenced by whatever number we've reached in our aging process. Our children face the same dilemma - stereotype thinking. Thirty years ago aging was rapid and death came early. Not so now. We are aging slower and living longer, which means many of us do not have to relinquish our independence as early as we might have just a few years ago. Anyone of any age group can be independent as long as they are fully functioning. But your age group could tip you into a dangerous stereotype mindset. "I can't do that! For goodness sake, I'm 65 years old now! I'm pre-old!"
Depending on your health and state of mind, age groups may overlap. You qualify as pre-old if you're in the age range from 65-74. From 70 to 79 you're middle-old and when you reach 80 and plus, well, you're very old. Like me.
Very few of us can remain totally independent in our later years but fortunately, there are options.
Senior independent communities are popular. You buy a house or apartment and live independently and when it's time you automatically move into assisted living. From there if it's appropriate you move to a nursing home. This situation is ideal for folks who insist on living independently or have no relatives or friends in a position to help. No worries about the future as it's more or less determined the minute you sign on. These communities can be expensive and there are no refunds.
Aging at home with safety measures and new technology in place is a favorite option. Although in time it may limit social interaction and incur home health care costs. The average price for living at home is $2,545 a month.
Sometimes assisted living arrangements may be the first step and those range from $3,000 a month and up.
According to the American Council on Aging in 2022 the average price of a nursing home was $8,000 a month for a semi-private room and upwards of $9,000 for a private room. You can check out nursing home costs by state and types of care at www.seniorliving.org.
When researching this blog I discovered "The Book Club" sequel, "The Next Chapter" will be released on Mothers' Day 2023. Same cast, same director and hopefully the same fun!
(My usual research sources include the National Council on Aging, Department of Veterans Affairs, the Senior Resources Alliance, the Senior Resources Association and Senior Living.org)
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